Peeling Apples Monologues
page 4

Fritzi’s secret
(Lisa’s Poodle)


My mistress she keep me well, she think, but it is I who do ze keeping. Mais oui! C’est vrai she buy ze clothes for me and for ‘er. Silver-studded collar for me, diamante pour elle! We like to match. Er ‘air it is permed to look like mine, and when we go to the Palais de Dance she make it like a ‘ive of bees. Bouffant I prefer to call it. Charmante.

She try to feed me les petit morceaux – but I like to play a game wiz er. She tempt me wiz breast of chicken ou beef off ze bone, but I am fussy – very fussy. I take un petit peu just to please er, parce que oowen she get cross she make ze greatest insult. tinned Dog Food! But I ave to keep my figure for promenading in ze parc. I am very handsome. I ave many bitches oo admire me.

Ah, j’adore my Madame Pompadour. That is my little name for er, mais porquoi I compliment er wiz ze name of un great French courtesan, je ne sais pas! Parceque she ave called me Fritzi. Nom de Dieu!. I am French alors! Fritzi n’est pas un vrai nom pour un chien francais. Pouf! Mais, I let it pass, parceque I love ma chere Madame. Elle est si jolie – et brave. I ave a little secret to tell you. Shhh! You must not say anyone, or I get into grave trouble. D’accord? Eh bien!

After ze work, Madame lock up ze shop, and we ‘urry ‘ome to change our clothses. Up in the boudoir I jump onto ze bed and, Madame open er considerable wardrobe. As ze door swings open I sees myelf in the miroir. Oh, I am very beau - handsome, wiz my hairs all coiffed, le pom-pom sur la tete, et un autre pom-pom on ze tail - I am so black - like ze coal - on the shiny white satin – my shapely legs, shaved to perfection. I am ready to advise Madame on er haute couture – Dior, Coco Chanel… mais jamais le Mary Quant. Pouf! when I like somezing I lick my lips with my little pink tongue. When not, I sigh and put my ead down on the pillow. Ah, madame she know I am right! She obey!

So, now to our little secret. Apres madame a fait le visage, et le parfum. Mmmmm, we go down to er little Vitesse. She get into the passenger seat open ze door for me and I jump up into the driver’s seat and sit up on my ‘aunches. I av on my silver coat. So sparkly! Zen she turn ze key, for that is the one thing I cannot do, and zen……….I drive Madame to the Palais de Danse. We are very dashing and very daring.

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